the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
