if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
