weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
