ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
