I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
