Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
