So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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