That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
