Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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