Soap is not a condiment
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
