Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So squirting runs in the family.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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