can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
