i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
