All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
