Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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