There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
