Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
