So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
