Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
