I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
