M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
