i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
