the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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