In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
