turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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