Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
