I accidentally burped into my bong.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
