i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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