I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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