Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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