two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
