I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
