You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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