Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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