She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
