i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
