I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
