Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
