My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
