who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
