im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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