my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
