The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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