i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
