News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
