After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
