walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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