I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
