At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
