Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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