Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
