and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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