his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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