you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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