I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
