This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize