well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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