I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
