Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
