I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
