M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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