We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
