so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
