I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
