is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
