Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
