You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
