Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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